I have been feeling quite out of sorts for the last couple of weeks….except for here and there I would generalize my mood as one of frustration. I kept telling myself that if I could just get my house clean, if I could just get Logan to nap longer, if I could just be a better housewife….then I would not feel frustrated. I used last week as a problem solving week, what can I do use my time more efficiently? Where is it all going?! THIS week has been a much better week…I problem solved, made appropriate changes, spent some much needed time with the Lord and took a couple of extra naps. After feeling so frustrated with myself I began to wonder if I NEED someone to be frustrated with. When was the last time that I felt frustrate free? Ha. Can’t remember. But how much of that is normal life? The ebb and flow of relationships (thank God they are not all hard at the same time!) And don’t solutions and better relationships stem out of a desire for things to be better, to be different? Ok, I see my point. But, how much of that is unhealthy? Like the woman who feeds off of crisis…when there isn’t any, she creates it (it’s her comfort blanket, what she is used to). Would I be at a loss if I didn’t have someone in my life to hate? It’s funny, I joke around with Jeremy that if I didn’t have Penelope (his pug) to be mad at, I would probably be mad at him more often. When I sweep the floor, all I can see is all of her hair, I can’t see all of the dirt he tracks in the house. So, Pea Pie is his scapegoat if you will. Maybe frustration isn’t a moral issue, like most other feelings. Maybe it is what you do with it, where you direct the energy that you get from it. When Penelope stinks, I can either lock her outside (so I don’t have to smell her) or I can give her a bath (so I don’t have to smell her). Both come out of feeling frustrated but one is a much kinder response. (I must admit here that I have never once bathed her and frequently lock her outside). I guess that answers my question, frustration if handled with a gentle, kind and yet determined spirit can bring about good things. The flip side of that is that I can stop feeling guilty about not being a Stepford Wife. I am allowed to be frustrated, I just need to watch what I do with it. (Sorry honey). It all seems so simple now that it’s in the past. Thanks Pea Pie...for being such a stinky, hairy dog.
