A friend of mine is trying out Eharmony...and asked me for some longdistance advise. It was really fun remembering these things. Thought I would post it since it took a while to write! :)
Hi Friend! Things are wonderful! Sorry it took me so long to get back to you...I have had so much to do! But it is my pleasure to answer your questions! Jeremy and I loved our journey and wish the same for other people! I’m so glad you are trying eHarmony out and I’m glad you have met someone you really like!
I have to give Jeremy a lot of the credit for making our relationship work and these are a lot of his philosophies (he did eHarmony for a year).
I have to give Jeremy a lot of the credit for making our relationship work and these are a lot of his philosophies (he did eHarmony for a year).
1. Meet quickly! Once you have a connection, meet as soon as possible (this is harder for you because obviously it is better and safer if the guy visits the girl). Jeremy and I were matched on June 3rd...emailed till July 1st...then after our first phone conversation he asked if he could come out and meet me two weeks later. I told him three weeks would be better...and it was a date! Jeremy says that it is better to spend the money quickly so that you do not invest too much in someone that you are not compatible with in person. Also, a girl he went to visit (supposedly a Christian etc) smoked pot with her entire family when he was there AND went out on a date with an ex-boyfriend while he was there too! WOW! My husband is not the stupid or gullible type so I’m glad he came up with this philosophy!
2. It was also really helpful for us to meet one another’s friends and family immediately! Jeremy couldn’t meet my parents (but he met my pastor and a bunch of my best friends). This gives you evidence that they are who they say they are. That one is probably obvious to you though.
3. So that is pre-relationship…once you are really in the relationship make sure you ask all the hard questions! What do you expect out of a spouse…how do you want to raise your kids. It helped that Jeremy and I both LOVE to write (and talk)…so none of our answers were short. It really helps to see into that person’s life.
4. What ends up being REALLY hard about a long distance relationship is the lack of relaxing with one another. Everything is so exciting at first that it is easy to put forth a ton of effort and not feel like it is a big deal. But after you are engaged or at least serious you realize how important being with one another in person is! Hand holding, facial expressions, kissing, just watching a movie together are all so important to a relationship. The flip side to this is that it is much easier to stay pure and focused on the important things. It keeps you away from liking a guy just cause he’s an amazing kisser or because your friends think he’s hot ( :)). BUT, it does make it more difficult! We aren’t in Jr. High anymore so talking on the phone for hours isn’t something that most people are used to. Plus what if he is having an off day, or you are…and it’s hard to tell why they are acting weird…it’s easy to assume that they are being distant or they are bored with you. You can’t have him pick up a bottle of wine and just watch a movie together. My advise for this? Just remember that long distance relationships are hard. Jeremy and I would also play virtual scrabble together…that helped when we wanted to be on the phone but weren’t in the mood to really dig deep.
5. Have multiple forms of communication! This really helped us…especially since we had TOTALLY different schedules (still do, I’m a morning bird and he’s a night owl). We used Facebook, MySpace, email, texting, eHarmony and the phone! I know it may seem silly, but it was so wonderful to get a text from him at night, a song dedication from him on Facebook in the morning, a poem on MySpace in the afternoon…etc. You get the picture. It really helped that Jeremy is so romantic too.
6. Last but not least, our relationship worked out so well because it was always moving. We got engaged very quickly and then shortened our engagement to two months. It was worth it to us to not spend money visiting one another all the time. We knew we were meant for one another. Also, long distance hardships CAN ruin a great relationship. One of Jeremy’s best friends and his wife (at the time his girlfriend) almost broke up over the distance issues. They are SOOO great together! I am so glad they figured that out and she moved to town. I’m not saying that everyone has to move fast, but it is good to know your own limitations…I have another friend who was engaged long distance for over a year (she has more patience and self control than anyone I know).
Above all we knew that God had seriously created us for one another! We moved in, what I feel, was His timing and He blessed us so much! I hope you have a great experience and a wonderful Christmas!!!
Oh and I believe now more than ever that fairytales do come true!!! All those naysayers are stupid! I loved proving them wrong!
